Lessons From the Kitchen

JULIA CHILD I AM NOT

The Rub

“I don’t think I am going to have enough spices to cover the fish.”

Emily turned to face me while staring at the spoon in my hand and said: “Jules, what are you doing”?

“I’m spooning the spices onto the fish.”

“Um… doesn’t the recipe call for a rub”?

“Yes.”

“You’re supposed to rub it on the fish with your hands.”

“WHAT??? I don’t like touching raw fish”, I said while having a minor panic attack. 

“Jules, didn’t you pick the fish up and put it in the pan”?

“Nope, I stabbed it with a fork.”

“Sorry I missed that.”

I have since discovered that touching raw fish is not that bad, and thanks to Emily I am able to protect my clothing with the lovely apron pictured above that she purchased for me in Italy. 

Reading is Fundamental

Early on in my newfound cooking career I made a batch of blueberry oatmeal pancakes for some guests who were brave enough to let me cook breakfast for them. The recipe called for ½ tsp of Baking Soda. I used Baking Powder.

Reaction #1: “These are great”, exclaimed Rachael as she took another bite.

Reaction #2: “Uh Jules, did you use baking powder in these”, said Jon as he tried not to spit the pancake out of his mouth.

The Power of Alternative Preparation Methods 

Going from zero to one hundred in the kitchen requires purchasing a lot of utensils that someone who previously was master of the microwave and dining out would never know existed. While lamenting about wanting to buy new clothing and shoes instead of dropping money at kitchen stores all over town, I overlooked a couple of key gadgets. 

• One day while on a mission to become one with Gluten free baking I came across a recipe that called for Zest of lemon. I consulted Google in order to find out what zest of lemon meant. I didn’t have a zester, nor did I really want to run out and buy one; so I did the next best thing. I attempted to zest a lemon using a vegetable peeler. This resulted in oblong chunks of lemon skin sticking out of my muffins that were probably visible from space. A few weeks after I recounted the story of the chunks of zest in my muffins, Miss S gifted me with my very own zester for my birthday. 

• Who needs a garlic press when they can peel cloves of fresh garlic, put them in a plastic bag and then mash them up with a meat tenderizer? Yes, this yielded weird shaped chunks of garlic in my food, but that seems to be my signature style. My friend Marisa came from Arizona for a visit at the end of October this past year. She gave me a beautiful apron with cherries on it, and was exposed to my cooking for the first time. Shortly after she returned home, a garlic press arrived in my mailbox. 

I may be lacking in the utensil department, but my kitchen fashion is off the hook. 

Google is My Homeboy 

Don’t you just hate it when you’re in the grocery store and some person paying more attention to their smartphone then to where they are walking bumps into you? I hate it too. Except for when it’s me! 

During the first few months of my cooking adventure I was constantly making lists of ingredients I needed for certain recipes without knowing what the majority of what I was preparing to buy even looked like. Google, and by default my phone, has been my constant grocery store companion ever since I walked into the produce section of Whole Foods and made a complete fool out of myself; I asked where the Leeks were and the produce man pointed directly in front of me to what looked like a scallion on steroids and just smiled as I saw the label that said “LEEKS”. If I had known what I was looking for, I never would have asked! 

I would be remiss if I didn’t give a shout out to YouTube and all of the people who upload videos about washing and cutting every vegetable that is known to man. The first time I made my own vegetable stock it took almost two hours for me to wash and cut the vegetables because I had to watch so many videos. I never realized how complicated cutting and cleaning certain vegetables could be. 

The vegetable knowledge I have gained from Google is just the tip of the cooking iceberg. One afternoon I took a trip down to the local CVS because I was in need of effervescent denture cleaner. Why? Because a simple Google search told me that it would remove curry stains from my pan. And it did! The denture cleaner also makes for a funny conversation piece if nosey people open up my medicine cabinet while visiting the loo. 

Parting Advice

If you can keep your guests laughing and can manage to distract them from noticing that half of an eggshell ended up in their omelette, they’ll rave about brunch and beg to know what the flavorful secret ingredient is. 

*Photography by Nicole S. Not only is she great with the camera, but last year she dared to eat the chunky lemon zest in my gluten free muffins!